Time Warp in a Snow Globe

My cousin recently got married. We're only a few months apart and went all through elementary and high school together. As her wedding day grew closer I began to wonder who would all be at the wedding. She had it at our old church, the one right next to our elementary school, the one I basically grew up in. There are a lot of people still in Portland that I grew up with that might come. Namely, a guy I had a huge crush on for most of my adolescence, and one of my best friends from junior high.
Upon arrival at the rehearsal dinner I asked Genessa if she had any gossip or news about people coming to the wedding. She couldn't think of anything right away (bride mode) but then said she'd gotten a voicemail that said they were an old friend and didn't know if the wedding was open invitation but they'd like to come and bring another old friend. Of course it was, let's call him Buddy, and well, for the sake of the internet, call her Samantha. I KNEW something like that would happen. I just KNEW.
Now I have some great memories with these two, and some horrible ones. Mostly, I was just a whole other person when I spent the most time with them. Right about the time I really started SPEAKING to Buddy, I started dating my husband. So you can see how that turned out. Samantha was one of those rich and popular people. We had horrible cliques in our class in 5th and 6th grade, also the time during which my parents seperated and divorced, and well, she was pretty crappy. A few other people in our 6th grade class thought it would be fun to create a "I hate Samantha" club with out her knowing. Turned out really awful when it wasn't a secret anymore. But in 8th grade we were best buds. Mostly inseperable. Which I found pretty odd, both then and now looking back. She was athletic and into makeup and hair and stuff. Neither of which I was great at. Not sure what the draw was. Maybe I was someone who was maleable then. I really can't see what else she'd wanted to hang around me for. She tried to set me up to some extent with Buddy, but really am not sure what all she told him. We did this photo shoot to submit him to YM's guy of the year. Never sent them in though. The point is he was athletic, always the best in our class at ANY sport, blonde, and had the best dimples when he smiled. Really a player. But somehow still sweet.
I also did some crappy stuff to my cousin that year. She was NOT popular. But wanted to run for student body president. No one else was running that year. So I was 'convinced' to run against her. I won. But at a cost of hurting her. It's a bittersweet memory. One of the few times I've been able to get up in front of people and speak and feel some sort of confidence in leading people. Not that the president really did anything huge, planned our semester banquet. Not a huge feat. But I gave up something by running against her, but choosing to work against her instead of with her. I could have avoided alot of things that year.

ANYWAY, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the time warp. Well as you can see, just thinking of them makes it all come back. Seeing them even weirder. I devoted so much of my brain power to knowing where Buddy was at all times that when he showed up I still fell into that subconscious method. I knew where he sat, when he moved, etc. Had to keep talking to myself, reminding myself of what year it was, who I was, what I really wanted. And now, at MY home, its in a much better light. I know without a doubt that he was never any of the things I truly wanted in a guy. If I'd taken the time to talk to him then instead of trembling with shyness maybe I could have devoted all that energy into something else. Like voice lessons or something. hmm.
It just totally freaks me out that I return to that mindset and those same thought patterns when I'm around people from that time in my life. It's like I never grew up or got stronger. I don't like the time warp. But I'm home now, with the person who loves me the most, and always will.