I've started being a faithful fan of Dooce. Especially today. It gives me such hope for my own mothering skills; whenever those will come into use. [TO ALL THE RELATIVES WHO NOW THINK I'M PREGNANT, I'M NOT.]
I have been thinking alot about having kids recently though. I've always wanted to have kids, or at least start having them, before I'm 30. That leaves 32 months. 9 of which I hope to be pregnant; and an undetermined number before we even have a room to put the kid in. Then there is the undetermined number to convince E we're ready; and the undetermined number we'll be trying to get pregnant after I'm off the pill. So, really, I could be 35 before I have a kid. Pretty daunting. I want it and I so don't want it.
I have all these fears of what I'll do to the kid; how I'll mess them up, scar them for life, physically or emotionally. And how the hell do I care for one? I mean, I barely clean my house now. I'm serious. Probably once a month (or whenever someone visits) I'll clean. But otherwise, nah. Why go to all that trouble when it'll get dirty again? and again, and again...
So I have these visions of a toddler crawling around on the floor getting covered in ever deepening layers of cat hair, dust, dead bugs, food particles, puddles of rain brought in by the cats, your random candy and gum wrappers etc.
But Dooce has had these thoughts. She's gone thru them. And every monthly newsletter she writes to Leta is poignant, funny, and inspiring. Amazing stuff, us humans.
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