Inspiration: Nalani

Oh Nalani!
I am right there with ya woman!
You're more brave than I've been to put all that out in public; but I've had your same thoughts. I've wondered why this habit, this religion, this peace, has escaped me. I can't seem to get back in a groove. I want and need to beleive, but I can't seem to find a truth to stand on.
It a religious depression; a downheartedness that seeps into everything in my life. I've tried to box it up and put it away; ignore it, thinking that something will happen that will make it all "normal", like it used to be. But it's gotta be me that does that. It's a lot of responsibility. Not something I like too much.
I think I know why I stopped attending church, why I gave it up. I tell myself, and other people for that matter, that church was boring. If I didn't know why I went, why go? What's there that actually does something for me, my heart, my soul? And I know I wasn't contributing to anything like that for the benefit of other people, so that's no reason to keep going.
But I know I miss it. I miss the people, the message, the music. I just wish each message actually spoke to me. It's been so long since I've heard something that meant anything.
What scares me the most about this is that it's so important to pass on Adventist beliefs to my future children. And somehow, I don't have any. Or at least I'm not acting on any.