Learning the hard way

The search for Gilmore Girls torrent continues. Thus more bits. Hehe. Bits. Torrent. Ahhh... but I digress.
I informed my boss today that I will not be enrolling in the Accounting program offered by our local CC. Now I told him via an email so he hasn't said anything directly to me about it yet. He might not ever.
I've been so gung-ho about classes and school and all that it's a bit hard to let go. Harder still because my ever logical, but wonderful husband made me talk about why I really wanted to do this thing. He has a way of making me be honest with myself that is painful yet oh so fulfilling. It's one of the many reason's I fell in love with him. Some of you may know of what I speak. It's one of those ahha! moments. You meet someone, they make an offhand comment but seem to look into your soul and you think, "Whoa. He don't take no bull."
I wanted this education thing to fill a number of holes I sense in my life. (Here's the gut-wrenching honest part; the part where I'm not sure how much I want the WWW to know about. And I don't mean the World-wide Wrestling association.) I wanted an academic program to give me social interaction, new circles of friends, stimulating mental fodder, to be a time-filler, to advance my career by giving me the qualifications to match what little work experience I already have. I want the structure, the organization, the sense of being a part of something bigger than me. Granted, a college can provide the resources to find these things. But I still have to do the leg work. And I can do these things by expending the (probable) same amount of energy without paying someone hundreds of dollars for the "opportunity." I also wanted the chance to redo some decisions I feel I made in error while getting my bachelor's. I gave up midstream and instead of redirecting myself or just taking a break, I finished what I started.
One of the few times in my life where I did finish what I started. I played flute in junior high; but quit in HS. I took voice lessons off and on during HS and college. But quit them too. I abandon projects of all shapes and sizes when they start to overwhelm me. For some reason it's easier to stop trying, than to bully up to it and get to the end. In a twisted way I can't fail it that way.
Anyway, I became very frustrated with the CC after perusing the first few assignments and lectures online for a class they told me I had to take. After I asked if I could challenge, test out of or whatever, instead of not taking it. It wasn't just a "typing speed" requirement, so I signed up for a general accounting class and this Intro to Word Processing class. Those of you who know me will start to understand. The powerpoint lecture online was using arrows to show the user where the scroll bar was on the window. And which part to click to navigate up the page, and then down. And on.. and on.. I started screaming a little inside my head. No way was I going to pay almost $400 for tuition for this class let alone $100 for the book!!
Having to take these sorts of classes and fulfill "requirements" just to prove I'm competent was just one of many frustrations with my bachelor's. I couldn't do it. I want to learn the actual theory and reasoning behind accounting practices and general financial systems but I just can't make myself take a class that has no value to me. I want to learn things that are useful; meaningful; applicable to my life. At this point, I could care less what a piece of paper says to others about my skills. You wanna know what I can do with a computer? You wanna know if I can write, speak and interact intelligently? Try me. I can show you.